Tongue-tied n Twisted

The family of a man identified as Vijay Chauhan reported to be in his late 20s was in for a shock when he began to pack some notebooks in a bag before going off to sleep at an unusually early hour so he could wake up in time for school the next day. "After watching TV over dinner, he excused himself and was frantically looking for his school calendar so he could pack his bag according to the next days timetable", said the man's visibly distressed wife. "Vijay even mouthed some juvenile expletives when he realized he had two periods of SUPW the next day", she added . The trauma for the family was over when he was reminded that he was 28 years old, the year was 2011 and school was 11-12 years ago. While initially unbelieving, the man was eventually reminded of his age when family members repeatedly showed him pictures of India's World Cup victory and also convinced him that the "hot didi" in the room was actually his wife. Earlier in the evening, V...

No, not betting school but batting school. Ever wondered why different batsmen approach the game somewhat differently ? It's simply because there' a difference in the schooling of these batsmen. Bored brings you a list of the top Batting Schools around the world. The M.K. Gandhi School of Batting - These batsmen do not bat. They offer Satyagraha - a form of nonviolent resistance. Batsmen graduating from this school believe their bat is a destructive weapon and therefore use it as little as possible. That is not to say they don’t spend many hours at the crease. On the contrary, a batting Satyagrahi spends, on an average, 3.24 more hours at the crease than any other batsman in the team. The career of these batsmen is not measured in terms of runs scored but in terms of number of balls left outside the off stump. When a fast bowler (to the satyagrahi, the oppressor) runs in hard every over only to see his deliveries left alone it causes him severe exhaustion and frustration. Th...

Ricky Ponting, the spirited Australian captain (seen alongside, telling the umpire that both the batsmen are out), today urged the ICC's technical committee to consider the inclusion of the one tup catch in the official rules of cricket. Speaking to newspersons at a hastily called press conference, Ponting enthralled everyone with his latest views on the game and what the ICC needs to be do to ensure that Australia's winning streak continues. "Its a wonderful thing mate. I saw it being put to good use by kids in one of the bylanes of a small city in India.", said Ponting. "The rules are loaded in favour of the batsman, mate. It would be great if we gave the fielding side some liberties", added Ponting as he waxed eloquent on this topic completely defiant of the fact that maybe the Australians had already used this to their advantage. Investment banking expert, Nitesh "hookka" Naidu was quicker than ever to grab this opportunity to enlighten...

Celebrations broke out in different parts of the country as Team India took an an unassailable lead in the 3 match ODI series against Bangladesh in Dhaka. Thousands of Team India supporters partied late into the night to celebrate their teams success on foreign soil shouting slogans to cheer them on towards an unprecedented series white-wash. Speaking to newspersons, Indian skipper Rahuld Dravid thanked his boys for this wonderful moment, while insisting that the minnows tag was no longer applicable to Team India. "These have been two close matches, but to their credit, the boys kept their nerve and at the end of the day that was the difference between the two teams", said the Indian skipper, allowed to speak to the media after having received due permission from the BCCI on submitting an application with attested xerox copies of ration card, school leaving certificate, electricity bill and 2 passport size photographs. Chairman of selectors, Dilip Vengsarkar, was obviou...

Coming on the back of a bowling performance that wouldnt impress the Selection Committee of even the Zaire Cricket Association, Punjab-Da-Puttar, Raj Malhotra (seen alongside, facing his bowling coach - The Bowling Machine) redeemed himself with a superlative all-round performance that saw him pick up 5 wickets ( much to the astonishment of the spectators that at any given time included such students of the game as a groundsman, a couple of College peons, a watchman and a few stray dogs) and play a match winning innings of 42, complete with scorching cover drives and ferocious pulls. Raj's superb all round performance saw Foobar A defeat Foobar B by a comprehensive margin of 8 wickets in a highly inconsequential match of great interest to the jobless, played at the Government Polytechnic Grounds. Batting first Foobar B, started off very well with Ram and Shyam stepping on the gas early on. The opening partnership saw Foobar to the other side of 50 before Raj got his first victim o...

Inspite of the absence of the dangerous pair of SamD and AbhijitG , Foobar Software continued its impressive run under the able leadership of former Kings College mainstay Raj Malhotra (seen alongside, in his Kings College days) here at the Ghorpuri Grounds in Pune. Foobar beat Indiglo software by 34 runs, a comprehensive victory which would have been even more comprehensive but for an eventful over from the skipper himself. The match itself looked in jeopardy before Messrs Ram and Lakhan with Army personnel in tow salvaged the situation and the match began as scheduled one hour after the teams arrived. After careful analysis of the ground available to both teams, a fairly level patch was designated as the pitch for this historic clash and following an initial struggle to get the stumps into the ground, the toss was held in the centre of the patch which now many had begun to acknowledge as the pitch. As is his wont, Raj won the toss and elected to bat first, much to the anguish of y...

In an unprecedented move, Australian Captain Ricky Ponting announced Australia's unnecessary withdrawal from the Unitech Cup - A triangular series involving India , Sri Lanka and South Africa to be played this fortnight in Sri Lanka. Speaking to jobless newspersons, The Australian Captain expressed concern over the security arrangements in Sri Lanka where a bomb went off a couple of Kilometers from the hotel where the Indian team is put up. "There is a lot of tension in the air, mate", said the captain of the World Champions. "In such a scenario player security is topmost on our minds", he added. However, Banking expert turned part time Sports Journalist, Nitesh Naidu was lightning quick in spotting the futility of withdrawing from a tournament in which you are not taking part. When quizzed on this, Ponting said," So what mate ? If ever player safety comes under question, It is not only our right but our duty to withdraw from that tournament. " Last he...

As if the cricket calender of the Indian cricket team was not already packed, Sharad Pawar - President of Bored of Choosing Cricketers for India (BCCI) - has decided to send a full-strength team to the Book Cricket World Cup to be held later this year. "The Mega event comes once in four years and our participation has been long overdue but todays superlative batting performance by the Indian team has convinced me that the time has come for us to explore this avenue in search of success", informed the Politician cum Cricket Adminstrator. Pawar was particularly impressed by Indias batting display in the second Innings in the just concluded Third Test played between India and England at the Wankhede Stadium, Mumbai. The Indian team showed amazing team work to put their heads down ( in shame ) and put up an imposing score of 100 runs. Book Cricket, a form of Cricket that developed in the extremely boring classrooms in India, is a great leveller that makes the miserable performers...

According to latest reports coming in from England- The Home of the English language, it is believed that William Shakespeare, with the culmination of the India-Pakistan cricket series, completed a full 360 degree revolution in his grave.The presence of eminent English speaking citizens of Pakistan - Rameez Raza, Imran Khan and Waqar Younis - in the TEN Sports commentary team is reported to be the cause of this 'turn around' by Shakespeare. Rameez Raza, who holds the record for topping his class in English for four consecutive years from the 2nd standard to the 5th standard, is believed to have put The Bard on the 'move'. Raza, a die-hard Pakistani supporter who once famously commented in favour of Pakistan in a South Africa Vs West Indies match, was, like always, available for 'comment'. "This (shakespeare turning in his grave) is the acknowledgement of the English of mine by the William Shakespeare himself", said the former Pakistani captain, amidst ...

A rather verbose email written by Pakistani captain Inzamam-ul-Haq to his mother was today leaked to the press by sources from the only cyber cafe in Peshawar. A copy of the email is available with this reporter. The email talks at length about the ghastly appeal by the machiavellian Indian cricket team whilst Inzamam was busy displaying his copybook front foot defence to a 'delivery' bowled by Suresh Raina from practically the other end of the ground. The following are excerpts from the email. "Greetings Mother, Your son Inzamam. Other day I and 10 others are playing a game of cricket with 11 others from India. Therefore 1 + 10 we are 11. We are being very honest sporting peoples. But the Indians are corrupt and unsporting people. Yesterday, Mother they are appealing even when I am teaching them how two play forward defence stroke. Mother, you know I am very bright child since childhood but I am not understanding the rules of cricket. When I am playing England I am out fo...

Former Pakistani Wicketkeeper Moin Khan was awarded the prestigious Cricket Analyst of the year award at a glittering ceremony held here at Faisalabad today. The award that had been instituted in 2003 by Mandira Bedi's Noodle Strap Association of Cricket Lovers carries a citation and a Book Prize - 'Understanding Cricket - C'mon Man' by the legendary Krish Shrikkanth. The award was presented to him by the erudite Javed Miandad, who had won this award in its inaugral year for having found an Irfan Pathan in every bylane of Pakistan. Fellow students of the game like Rashid Latif, Ranjit Fernando, Navjot Siddhu and Mandira Bedi watched anxiously as the results were announced. Experts say that it was Moin Khan's vision that clinched it for him. His prophetic vision of the start of the decline of the the lowly Sachin Tendulkar is believed to be the clincher. This, because the novice Tendulkar walked after thinking he was out to some quality fast bowling on the leg side b...