No, not betting school but batting school. Ever wondered why different batsmen approach the game somewhat differently ? It's simply because there' a difference in the schooling of these batsmen. Bored brings you a list of the top Batting Schools around the world.
The M.K. Gandhi School of Batting - These batsmen do not bat. They offer Satyagraha - a form of nonviolent resistance. Batsmen graduating from this school believe their bat is a destructive weapon and therefore use it as little as possible. That is not to say they don’t spend many hours at the crease. On the contrary, a batting Satyagrahi spends, on an average, 3.24 more hours at the crease than any other batsman in the team. The career of these batsmen is not measured in terms of runs scored but in terms of number of balls left outside the off stump. When a fast bowler (to the satyagrahi, the oppressor) runs in hard every over only to see his deliveries left alone it causes him severe exhaustion and frustration. This tactic is the chief weapon of the satyagrahi. The fielders are rendered useless due to sheer brain inactivity. Famous alumni from this school include Sanjay Manjrekar, Sunil Gavaskar, Ravi Shastri & Marvan Atapattu.
The Adolf Hitler School of Batting Studies - Batsmen graduating from this school attack at the crease, attack on the field, attack at press conferences and attack at the bar. When captainng their sides, they could attack during the toss too. They come out to bat as if someone has questioned their manhood. When these batsmen are unleashed on a particularly batsman friendly pitch, folks at Amnesty International work overtime. Prominent alumni include Viv Richards, Adam Gilchrist, Tilekaratne Dilshan, Andrew Symonds and Shahid Afridi.
The KLPD School for Batsmen - "Flatter to Deceive" is the motto of this school. Batsmen from this school typically score a century or two quickly to "cement" their place in the side and then remain in the side for as long as 2-3 revolutions of the sun. Mohd. Ashraful is the brand ambassador of this school whereas Rohit Sharma, Virat Kohli are the Indian graduates. The terms "beautiful 30" and "failing to convert the 30s into 50s and the 70s into 100s" are commonly used for these batsmen.
The Heisenberg School for Uncertain Batting - When students of this school go out to bat, their captain, coach, mates - absolutely no one knows what they are going to do. In fact, most times, even they don't know what they are going to do. Often it appears they are batting in the context of some other game altogether. Harbhajan Singh is the greatest product of this school. Shahid Afridi was expelled from this school when the management realized that his batting was getting way too predictable to maintain the high standards of uncertainty achieved by students of this school. This school has campuses only in the subcontinent.
The WW2 Veterans School for Batting - These batsmen bat not on their captains’ orders but on Winston Churchill's orders. They perform best under severe pressure, as if in combat and when their mates are being decimated. These batsmen typically instill spine in their team's tail-enders, inspiring them to bat longer. Steve Waugh and V.V.S. Laxman graduated from this school.
The Sir Donald Bradman School for Advanced Batting Studies – Ever since this institution was setup by Sir Don, there has been only one graduate from this school. There is a strong view in India that Sachin belongs to this school, while zealous followers even claim Sachin started the school, while still others feel that Sir Don belongs to the Sachin school.
Invaluable editing by Gaurav Sethi
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