Tongue-tied n Twisted

In an unprecedented move, Australian Captain Ricky Ponting announced Australia's unnecessary withdrawal from the Unitech Cup - A triangular series involving India , Sri Lanka and South Africa to be played this fortnight in Sri Lanka. Speaking to jobless newspersons, The Australian Captain expressed concern over the security arrangements in Sri Lanka where a bomb went off a couple of Kilometers from the hotel where the Indian team is put up. "There is a lot of tension in the air, mate", said the captain of the World Champions. "In such a scenario player security is topmost on our minds", he added. However, Banking expert turned part time Sports Journalist, Nitesh Naidu was lightning quick in spotting the futility of withdrawing from a tournament in which you are not taking part. When quizzed on this, Ponting said," So what mate ? If ever player safety comes under question, It is not only our right but our duty to withdraw from that tournament. " Last he...

A casual evening ride turned out to be a nightmare for one Pravesh Khandelwal and his beloved pet - a Cat when the duo, astride on Pravesh's Motorcycle ( Yes, the feline members of Pune's high society do like sitting pillion on powerful two stroke motorbikes), and completely unaware of the dangers posed by the roads of Pune, slipped into a pothole on a day when the rain gods did their bit to undo the 'good' work done by the People for Maintaining Chaos (PMC). Trapped in the pothole for over 27 agonising minutes the duo were rescued by an Army rescue team in the late hours of Tuesday. "Such a horrific incident was just waiting to happen, given the state of most of the roads in the city. Life is hell, specially for those who use the Wanowarie - Kalyani Nagar stretch", said Nitesh Naidu, a man of great Authority in the Banking sector. Thanks to this age of satellite Television, the rescue operation was telecast live across the country. However as the entire count...

Ricky Martin called it the Cup of Life and over the last month 32 nations, 736 Men converged in Germany in this wondeful summer of 2006 and fought for the Cup of Life like only worthy Sportsmen can. And now after 63 matches, as 46 men stand on the brink of sporting glory, one of them knows fully well that victory will bring with it Immortality. The World Cup comes once in four years and outshines every other soccer tournament. It brings with it joy to some and tears to some. In the space of a couple of fortnights, ordinary men are transformed into heroes, while hitherto heroes are humbled. A million hopes are dashed, while for some, their dreams are renewed. The Underdogs enjoy their moment in the Sun while the favourites are constantly under the scanner. It makes the young and the old, Men and Women go Soccer Crazy.It makes India forget Cricket for a month. And this World Cup has been no different. The Australians left their qualification tragedy of last time behind them and played l...

After my last post and as I pen this one, I fully acknowledge my good fortune for not being behind bars! I havent received any warning from the cops over the telephone nor have they, so far, been so kind to visit my home. In the aftermath of my last post, as my respect for the cops was reaching newer and greater heights I had the fortune of getting into a 'peaceful' discussion with a lady cop. In this 'adventure' of mine, I was so fortunate as to be able to avail of the valuable vocal services of two of my friends, Short & Bald Friend (SBF) and Tall Madrasi (TM) It happened when TM, SBF and yours truly were going to SBF's house to indulge in nothing constructive, as is our wont. There lives a lady cop, a self proclaimed Heavenly Body, in SBF's building who happened to be coming down the stairs while we, lesser mortals, were going up the stairs. Inevitably we met midway. TM being tall had to bend while going up the stairs. This ( as we were to learn later), s...

A pall of gloom descended over 'Khufiya Adda', the secret Headquarters of The Mumbai Mafia (TMM) , minutes after the Mumbai Police announced its latest crime related figures. The Maharashtra Police, after years of dilligent practice and sheer hardwork, finally managed to pip the Mumbai Underworld in the race to commit more crimes. Speaking at a press conference from 'Khufiya Adda', which is barely a kilometre from the Mumbai Police Headquarters, TMM spokesperson Chetan Chikna expressed deep anguish over the result. He alleged that the Mumbai Police had fudged figures and emerged first. He appealed to the government to set up an Independent commission to conduct this survey in order to restore TMMs hitherto untarnished image as the undisputed India No 1 in crime. "Saala apun ne woh dedh-dimaag Vilas ko bolela hai inquiry chalu karneko, nahito uske bangle mainch jaakar usko kharcha-paani denga", said he (for translation of preceding text, go here ). However exp...

As the World S/W war continues, the defending Microsoft forces, living in denial, have reportedly sufferred heavy casualties. Microsoft forces deployed in the North Eastern sector came under heavy shelling and Light Machine Gun fire from the TUXan army, which is proving more and more irepressible with each passing day in this war that threatens to change desktops across the world. Small platoons of the TUXan army have been highly successful in ambushing patrolling platoons of the Microsoft Army. Part of the success of the invading forces, in this theatre of war, is due to the efficient co-ordination between the TUXan army and The GNU army led by Lt. Gen Linus Torvalds and Lt. Gen. Richard .M. Stallman respectively. The air battles in this sector were lost by the Microsoft Airforce purely because of their abililty to 'crash' without the enemy planes having to even take off. This wonderful ability of crashing has caused the Microsoft Airforce R&D wing to speed up its program...

As if the cricket calender of the Indian cricket team was not already packed, Sharad Pawar - President of Bored of Choosing Cricketers for India (BCCI) - has decided to send a full-strength team to the Book Cricket World Cup to be held later this year. "The Mega event comes once in four years and our participation has been long overdue but todays superlative batting performance by the Indian team has convinced me that the time has come for us to explore this avenue in search of success", informed the Politician cum Cricket Adminstrator. Pawar was particularly impressed by Indias batting display in the second Innings in the just concluded Third Test played between India and England at the Wankhede Stadium, Mumbai. The Indian team showed amazing team work to put their heads down ( in shame ) and put up an imposing score of 100 runs. Book Cricket, a form of Cricket that developed in the extremely boring classrooms in India, is a great leveller that makes the miserable performers...

According to latest reports coming in from England- The Home of the English language, it is believed that William Shakespeare, with the culmination of the India-Pakistan cricket series, completed a full 360 degree revolution in his grave.The presence of eminent English speaking citizens of Pakistan - Rameez Raza, Imran Khan and Waqar Younis - in the TEN Sports commentary team is reported to be the cause of this 'turn around' by Shakespeare. Rameez Raza, who holds the record for topping his class in English for four consecutive years from the 2nd standard to the 5th standard, is believed to have put The Bard on the 'move'. Raza, a die-hard Pakistani supporter who once famously commented in favour of Pakistan in a South Africa Vs West Indies match, was, like always, available for 'comment'. "This (shakespeare turning in his grave) is the acknowledgement of the English of mine by the William Shakespeare himself", said the former Pakistani captain, amidst ...

A rather verbose email written by Pakistani captain Inzamam-ul-Haq to his mother was today leaked to the press by sources from the only cyber cafe in Peshawar. A copy of the email is available with this reporter. The email talks at length about the ghastly appeal by the machiavellian Indian cricket team whilst Inzamam was busy displaying his copybook front foot defence to a 'delivery' bowled by Suresh Raina from practically the other end of the ground. The following are excerpts from the email. "Greetings Mother, Your son Inzamam. Other day I and 10 others are playing a game of cricket with 11 others from India. Therefore 1 + 10 we are 11. We are being very honest sporting peoples. But the Indians are corrupt and unsporting people. Yesterday, Mother they are appealing even when I am teaching them how two play forward defence stroke. Mother, you know I am very bright child since childhood but I am not understanding the rules of cricket. When I am playing England I am out fo...

Former Pakistani Wicketkeeper Moin Khan was awarded the prestigious Cricket Analyst of the year award at a glittering ceremony held here at Faisalabad today. The award that had been instituted in 2003 by Mandira Bedi's Noodle Strap Association of Cricket Lovers carries a citation and a Book Prize - 'Understanding Cricket - C'mon Man' by the legendary Krish Shrikkanth. The award was presented to him by the erudite Javed Miandad, who had won this award in its inaugral year for having found an Irfan Pathan in every bylane of Pakistan. Fellow students of the game like Rashid Latif, Ranjit Fernando, Navjot Siddhu and Mandira Bedi watched anxiously as the results were announced. Experts say that it was Moin Khan's vision that clinched it for him. His prophetic vision of the start of the decline of the the lowly Sachin Tendulkar is believed to be the clincher. This, because the novice Tendulkar walked after thinking he was out to some quality fast bowling on the leg side b...

In a bizzarre turn of events, and directions too, the Sun on Monday, for reasons inexplicable at the outset, rose in the west and set in the east, leaving most people across the world stunned. The reason for this apparent and sudden change in mood on the part of the Sun was unclear in the beginning. However, as the day progressed the pieces of the jigsaw began to fall in place. The reason, as is learnt from highly reliable sources, was that some miserable soul called Pranav, in a corner of the world, called Pune had made it to office as early as 0845 hrs. And as if that wasnt enough he also happened to beat everyone to the chequered flag - in being the first person to arrive at office. Eye witness sources say they heard a cacophonous sound of an apparently badly maintained motorbike disturb the calm in the air only to see Pranav enter the premises of his office. The watchman, a meek god fearing man himself, was intially too stunned and appeared motionless. "It was like the Owl had...

Ever dreamt of owning a superbike ? Ever dreamt of being a Baazigar ( haarke jeetne wala) ? No guys i am no movie freak but the other day i just happened to witness, from close quarters, the saga of brother-sister love and the stuff that hindi movies and fairytales are made of. Or so i thought. Well the protagonist of our family drama is the ever affable and unassuming Mr. Nitesh Naidu. Before giving you the rather surreal details of this drama may i take some time out to throw some light on this creature of god, christened Nitesh Naidu. Adroit, as this task is, coupled with my feeble powers of narrative, i hope Naidu will forgive me for any mistakes made in the following narrative. To begin with, the biggest calamity to befall Naidu is that more than three quarters of this world addresses him as Naidu (yours truly included). According to recent reports though, there has been a sudden rise in the usage of the word 'Nitesh', although only in certain parts of the densest tropical...